Thunderstorms

The sound of heavy rain on my window is tranquilizing though sleep was never an option for me.  I lie here in my bed, eyes wide open, leg shaking enough to affect my whole body, picking at my lips, and thoughts running wild circles around my ever busy mind.

Outside my window the tops of the trees peek through into frame, swaying gently in the wind and whispering with every delicate movement.  Maybe they discuss the weather or tell forbidden secrets.  Maybe they say nothing at all and the sound we hear is simply the whistling wind creating friction on the branches.

Every so often my bedroom fills with a white light, but only for less than a second.  It's a blinding white light and trying to capture a picture of the experience is almost impossible.

Upon finishing my third paragraph the lightning seems to have subsided, but while I mention this the thought of thunder crosses my mind. I have yet to feel the booming vibrations that fall a few seconds after the thin, white, jagged lines that flash across the sky.

I imagine falling into a dreamland where laws of physics don't apply and logical reasoning is a thing of the past, but sleep is a far cry.  I suppose I'll just stay awake until dawn like I do every other night.

Tomorrow will be long and tedious as it always is.  Although, I'll get to see my boyfriend and despite everything else going on within his own life, he makes time and space for me.  In his arms I'm safe from my emotions.  His passivity pushes the negative emotions away.  He keeps safe from my own mind and calm.

Calm like this thunderstorm.

Calm like this thunderstorm, and though it seems loud and uncontrolled, to my mind, it's stable.  The clouds relieve themselves of the weight of the rain that touches everything in its path.  The lightning, though mostly unexpected, reminds me of an out of sync clock, ticking and chiming as it feels necessary.  Nothing makes sense to me right now except for this storm.

I cant seem to find the right words but I'll try my best to explain how I see this storm.  It is part of the water cycle so it has to happen.  It must happen in order that the cycle keep going.  The storm reminds me of a kind of stability.  It has a purpose and place in the cycle.  Maybe I am drawn to it because I crave that kind of stability.